i'da danced like the queen of the eyesores and the rest of our lives woulda fared well

I should probably stop this argument with myself in which one side insists that I'm just having a lucky streak and the other insists that I'm really doing something right. I KNOW that I'm doing something right. I've never tried so hard to be a good person in my entire life. I want to do things that make other people happy and I want to do things that makes the world a better place. I feel like my heart has grown ten sizes in the past year. I'm thinking things through before I do them and I'm not letting anything bother me unless I've given it the authority to do so (and let me tell you how small that authorized list is...)

Without jinxing myself or sharing too much too soon, I need to say that today went very well.

I want to fall asleep with you every night until the end of time. You are magic.

two's a perfect number, but one, well...

I've never seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind until tonight. It's normally so difficult to get me to sit through a movie, but I found myself putting down my computer, closing the door on my brain, and ignoring the little red blinking light on my phone because it's one of those movies that makes you think a whole fuck of a lot more about what's really important and what human beings are doing to themselves.

Tonight I heard someone describe their reasons for marrying someone and it scared me. Why are we getting married just because there's pressure and we think it's "the natural next step" and then telling the world that perfection doesn't exist? It will never exist if you never give it a chance. We're all so impatient...we can't wait to find someone, can't wait to be sure we love them before we say it, can't wait to get married because of generic "norms" in the world, and as soon as we get hurt, we will do anything to remove that hurt from our hearts.

How many of us would take full advantage of a memory-removing system if it existed? I am so very confident that I would be the person taking it upon myself to save those discarded memories of beautiful people and deliver them right back to the people that were cowardly enough to try and throw an entire existence in the garbage.

I've outgrown any sort of tolerance for volatile and selfish people. Overexposure just did me in; it's like a song you hate that gets overplayed on every radio station. I try so hard to find something to like in everyone I meet, and that is something that has taken me a very long time to want to do. Sometimes though, it's so easy to feel satisfaction when someone gets what's coming to them, and so easy to ignore the people that just don't seem to get it.

My dad sent me 2 links in an email yesterday (here and here). I identify more with the first, but the second holds a lot of truth. We're always running around like chickens with our heads cut off, doing things that don't really matter.

There is a popular quote that I've always liked that says "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I always found it extra useful, both for realizing which things need to change and which can stay just as sweet as they are. I love change, so if I witness an area of my life that needs it, I don't need to be told. I know. And (especially lately) making me feel like my own decisions/things/space/time are even a little threatened is a dangerous road to walk down because I have so little that is my own.

joyeux

Today I went to a meeting with a company that I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. Out of all these places that I've interviewed and applied to in the past 2 months, this was the one that I never felt nervous about, this was the one that I really really loved. Today I listened to a very nice man tell me that since they found someone in their NYC office that can handle the majority of the social media, the position was changing to contain more design, and I was a good fit for that position.

I told everyone that I had a feeling this was going to be the one! When I told my dad today he said that he felt the same way when he interviewed for the job he has currently; sometimes you just know =)

Everything in my life is so great, I'm almost afraid to touch anything. I have everything I want.

The cap on my bottle of tea says "DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY HATCH"

haha WHAT could possibly happen next?

who are you calling a cootie queen?

I distinctly remember thinking Glee was awful the first time I watched it. It was campy and ridiculous and I couldn't finish an episode. I don't know what happened, or how, but now I am sitting on the floor with Mike with the first 12 episodes on DVD and I am loving it.

I've gained so much trust in people over the last 6 months. I owe that partially to Adam; until him I hadn't really met a guy that I trusted with every inch of my body. I never questioned anything that he did, even for a second. I'm not a jealous person at all, really, but I am a smart girl, and whenever I felt like someone was shady I was always right. It seems like I'm making better, more worthwhile relationships with all sorts of people lately. If it's really something I've invested some feeling in, I fight for it when it starts to fade. Maybe I'm doing some crazy hyper-aging mentally or something, and in 6 months I've somehow developed the mindset of a 30 year old. Maybe not 30, that's too old. My POINT is that I feel smarter about my judgement lately. I have more clarity than I've ever had.

I'd like to end this post with three incredibly vague statements, because sometimes I like being vague and I think I've been specific enough tonight.

1. I don't think I need that anymore

2. I DEFINITELY don't think I need THAT anymore.

3. It just keeps getting better and better.