Ho Ho HOEBAG

I'm in a stoooore and I'm singggiiiiiing!

75 mph wind gusts in cheery Buffalo NY today...that's hurricane status folks. The uprights at the Bills game were bending, lol.

This has been a wonderful, busy, stressful vacation back to my happy little life in the woods. The night that I flew in Amanda came over and we spent hours reading old online journals (from 11th/12th grade ...i'm such a blogging whizkid, watch out) and laughed ourselves SICK.

My life has changed so much and so many people have popped in and out in the 5 years since I wrote in that blog. But remarkably enough, reading through all that nonsense I realized that I have not changed very much. I'm about 150% less dramatic, and I don't get into fights in the chorus room. Other than that I'm still 17 year old Hanna running around hating boys, not giving herself enough credit when it's needed, and giving herself TOO much credit when it's not.

My Uncle Jim is at ECMC in the trauma unit, and has been since a week ago. He missed Christmas and is in a drug-induced coma. He had a bad stroke and fell down my Grandma's basement stairs. Now there's a tube coming out of his brain to drain any fluid, and he had to have a tracheotomy to remove all the fluid from his chest/throat because he had pneumonia. I'm not close to him; he's a Vietnam veteran and has since turned crazy and dangerous. He never had a wife or children. He used to really hurt my mom and aunts and I'm not even sure if he knows he did it. But it poses a problem for about 6 different reasons:
1-- My grandma is hopeful. And in all honesty....she shouldn't be because he probably is going to die soon. But how can you possibly tell a mother not to hope for the best for her son? You can't.
2-- My grandma is going to the hospital every day to visit but no one wants her driving around Buffalo by herself, so Aunt Holly has been taking her. Every day. And she's been staying with her too, which is incredibly stressful for both of them.
3-- My mom feels guilty for not being able to help because she's in Franklinville and this is going on an hour/hour and a half away, but is having a hard time deciding what to feel because this is a man that she had almost completely removed from her life because he hurt her so much and so frequently.
4-- They didn't expect him to make it through the initial surgery to drain fluid on his brain. But he did. Now, he's not taking in food, even through a tube, and they don't know if he can breathe on his own. And they say it may be 6 months before they see a change. This is going to go on for 6 months??? It's a very scary thought and is going to be so, so hard on my family.
5-- Even if he does make it out alive...he's likely going to be a vegetable. And my Grandma has a heart of gold but just cannot take care of him 24/7. She's not eating as it is. And none of us can afford it/have room/have a schedule that permits us to take him in. And I'm not sure anyone except Grandma would want to anyway. I know it sounds harsh but I'm talking about some very serious, scary, bad things that this man has done. He's not alright.
6-- This is already a very hard time on my Mom's side of the family, because my Grandpa died on my Aunt Holly's birthday (the day after christmas) a long time ago. Grandma has already had to say goodbye to her husband and one of her sons, and now there's another member of the family that's headed down that road.

Very stressful. I'm just trying to listen to my Mom when she seems like she needs to talk, because I don't know what else to do. My dad's not really the listening kind...I am just so thankful that I could come home while this was going on and give her someone to count on because she truly needs it.

Enough sadness. Christmas night I went to OB's and saw a ton of Franklinville people that I haven't seen in a long time. I love celebrating in my hometown! Friday I went to JBs and did some serious dancing (and so did Adam, hahahahahahahhaha). Saturday I ended up going out to eat with Missy and Franny and then headed to Cojones Cantina in Olean. There was an absolutely FANTASTIC two-man band covering Steely Dan and Pink Floyd and Steve Winwood and others...it was truly one of the best live acts I've ever gone to see. Who would've thought it would be in Olean?

Can I just say how ECSTATIC I AM that I will be back in NY for my Dad's 50th bday, my Mom's bday, Maple Festival, springtime in general, Thursday at the Square, ugh. I have such an incredible amount of stuff to look forward to. I told a good portion of my family that I was moving home today, and instead of being disappointed that I'm not sticking it out longer or worried about me going home to a bad job market, they are just so excited to see me happy and back to my normal self. I feel awesome.

And...I cancelled my New Years Eve flights to see GPN play in Vermont. Lets just say....something came up =)

I want to learn how to play the harmonica

There are days when this sprawling, busy city seems so small to me and I can breathe easier and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my back when I step outside for a minute. You have days when you feel like you should be able to take the ride home from work slower and enjoy the breeze brushing past your skin, no? I certainly have those days (today’s one of em, what a wonderful feeling!), and I hope you do too.

Seeing Amel Larrieux on Sunset last night was- dare I say- the best concert experience I have ever had in its own intimate little way. The atmosphere was relaxed and focused, the Catalina jazz club is small and absolutely perfect for getting up close and personal to good music, the company I kept was warm. Amel is just flawless. She could walk into a room filled with colorful, interesting people and still capture everyone’s attention without any effort whatsoever. This whole weekend was filled with new things, good people, and crazy dancing. Crazy dancing from Amel's fans, crazy dancing from weird people at a Hollywood club opening, crazy dancing by men in red shirts at the Abbot Kinney Festival, and crazy dancing by John at the bar/at the festival/on Zoe's desk...). For ONCE the dancing was not supplied by yours truly! I don't know what came over me. I'll try harder next weekend. =)

It occurred to me that it’s been almost a month since I’ve thrown my arms around Momma and Papa Scott (and my best friend, but I think waiting 10 days for her to come here is do-able!) so I slipped out of the office for a second today to give my mom a call. There is no better feeling than knowing you have people to call that will always sound excited to hear your voice on the other end of the telephone.

I gotta tell ya, for growing up convinced that neither California nor the beach would be able to impress me, I laid in the grass last week and saw the most beautiful sunset over Venice that I’ve seen in a long time. What if the things that we see don’t look the same to anyone but ourselves? My lovely 7:30pm sun on the water might look like something completely different to someone else, but as long as they think it’s beautiful too, we’re all lucky.

I’m giving my late-September friendly blue Venice sky to YOU
H to-the-A to-the-double-N to-the-A

MP3: [Delta Spirit - People, Turn Around]
MP3: [Amel Larrieux - Weary]

PS--it rained in LA today!