three hours, thirteen days

That picture is interesting. I'm generally a loner and I've definitely been disappointed, but I don't think any of my disappointments have been life-changing (well maybe one, but it ended up changing my life for the better, so suck it). I would never say I am the way I am because I've been disappointed, I would blame it on the fact that I was a sheltered only child that lived on a dirt road with no neighbors lol. And for the record, I love who I am. But I won't deny that the majority of the loners I know have been very, very disappointed. But haven't we all?

I really am starting to love the people I work with. They're fun to be around and they're hilarious and they're helpful. I always seem to be drowning in numbers on my to-do list but once I finish this application I'm building I should have a precious few days of organization that will tie up all my loose ends. I don't have many really, but I'd rather have none. Also, I spent 3 hours cleaning the kitchen on Saturday afternoon, and proceeded to have a dream last night that Uncle Mike spilled some mysterious brown liquid all over the place and made a complete mess. This is how neurotic I am...

It's official- I'm taking my old bedroom back on August 1st. I need to somehow pay for a flight home for the beginning of August for just a weekend, pay for Bella to have a vet checkup and get a mild sedative for the flight, pay for an airline approved pet carrier, and pay the airline's fee to take her on the plane back to LA with me. And I also need a bed. Who wants to give me a quick, thousand dollar freelance design project?! I promise I'll do an amazing job, because I really want a bed. And I REALLY miss my kitty.

Back to the loner picture. It has occurred to me lately how hard it must be for most people to get to know me. I'm not closed off because I've been hurt too much, I'm just closed off because it's comforting and quiet. Sometimes I worry that I'm too quiet for the people in my life. I don't want to bore them or make them think something's wrong with me when I'm very much alright. I noticed it when I was at dinner with Brady and 2 others last Thursday and felt like I wasn't talking enough to keep up with everyone. It's always been that way, and I'm not sure why my brain stops generating thoughts at random times but I can't help it. Even when I'm alone with people I'm comfortable with, conversation sometimes has to be forced out of me. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone else I'll pretend I'm talking to Amanda or my Mom because they're practically the only 2 people in my entire life that I've never EVER had that problem with and it makes conversation flow easier. Who honestly has to do this at 23 years old? lol

It's almost like I'm thinking about so much that it gets jumbled and ends up making a knot in my brain. How come I can ALWAYS write it, but can rarely say it? Something about the path between my brain and my mouth. It's probably why I can't gargle or chug a beer either =)

Bottom line, I am not a boring person whatsoever and I don't want to give people the wrong idea.

Please don't leave