Silver Soul is a song by Beach House that I'm really in love with.
I had such a great weekend. Ashley Covert was driving all over the western half of the country and decided to pay me a visit. We went to a midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show and got water thrown on us in the theater and I drank Jack Daniels and everyone had fun and I got to walk down Sawtelle Blvd at 3am wearing fishnets and underwear. These arrre a fewww of my faaavorite thiiings... Altogether it was the kind of weekend that makes you feel very much like yourself, and I need lots of those. I finally have my shit together when it comes to that sort of stuff. I feel myself coming out a lot lately when I would have previously tried to stifle it in favor of being...what can I even call it? Boring? Standard? "Normal"?
It took a few weeks but I finally feel totally content being "single." Even if nothing has really changed all that much from when I was in a relationship, even if we eventually get back together, even if we never do, even if we stop talking (which will never happen but you get the idea), the difference is that I accidentally let myself feel like I needed someone. That is just so very very very WRONG. And thank god for that, because people like that suck lol. Next on my list of things to work on to fix myself is to STOP going out of my way to avoid being annoying. Being annoying sucks. Having flaws sucks. But you had better believe I'd rather be myself and piss a few people off than tiptoe around feeling like a manufactured uninteresting giggly cocktail waitress of a human being. I am obsessed with perfection, there's no doubt about that. But I should probably stop trying to achieve it in every aspect of myself. Momma Scott is forever telling me I'm too hard on myself. But I know how much other people's flaws annoy me (that's a terrible statement but it's true) and I don't want to be that way too. When I felt the best, people told me I was a bitch and that I was selfish. And that may be true. Actually... I know for a fact that it's true, haha. But when it comes to the people I love, I know I've grown up enough to not make them feel bad.
I came home today to find a package from Amazon with You've Got Mail on dvd inside. It's the girliest, most predictable silly movie ever created and it makes me so happy I can't even explain it. It makes me love life and love family and love friends and love the holidays. I also took the next step in my little freelance design career and designed/bought myself business cards! They're piiiink and gray and white and fancy and I can't wait until THAT package arrives at my figurative doorstep so I can start leaving them in silly places all over LA. I'll probably get a lot of creepy phone calls if I do that, huh? Maybe not.
I started practicing the flute again last weekend. I'm really rusty! My fingers get tangled, my breathing is lousy, and my jaw starts to hurt after about 5 minutes of consistent playing. But it feels really good to have it in my hands again, so I'm not going to stop. I want to get more comfortable playing around people again. What I really wish is for there to magically be a community orchestra or theater that I could play in, but a) my work hours probably wouldn't work with it, b) I don't even think I should be playing at that level until I practice some more! and c) I don't think it exists anyway.
Enough rambling for tonight. I need tylenol, a very late dinner, and to finish watching You've Got Mail all curled up in my silky new dark purple sheets. Yesss yes life you just feel fabulous today.
I had such a great weekend. Ashley Covert was driving all over the western half of the country and decided to pay me a visit. We went to a midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show and got water thrown on us in the theater and I drank Jack Daniels and everyone had fun and I got to walk down Sawtelle Blvd at 3am wearing fishnets and underwear. These arrre a fewww of my faaavorite thiiings... Altogether it was the kind of weekend that makes you feel very much like yourself, and I need lots of those. I finally have my shit together when it comes to that sort of stuff. I feel myself coming out a lot lately when I would have previously tried to stifle it in favor of being...what can I even call it? Boring? Standard? "Normal"?
It took a few weeks but I finally feel totally content being "single." Even if nothing has really changed all that much from when I was in a relationship, even if we eventually get back together, even if we never do, even if we stop talking (which will never happen but you get the idea), the difference is that I accidentally let myself feel like I needed someone. That is just so very very very WRONG. And thank god for that, because people like that suck lol. Next on my list of things to work on to fix myself is to STOP going out of my way to avoid being annoying. Being annoying sucks. Having flaws sucks. But you had better believe I'd rather be myself and piss a few people off than tiptoe around feeling like a manufactured uninteresting giggly cocktail waitress of a human being. I am obsessed with perfection, there's no doubt about that. But I should probably stop trying to achieve it in every aspect of myself. Momma Scott is forever telling me I'm too hard on myself. But I know how much other people's flaws annoy me (that's a terrible statement but it's true) and I don't want to be that way too. When I felt the best, people told me I was a bitch and that I was selfish. And that may be true. Actually... I know for a fact that it's true, haha. But when it comes to the people I love, I know I've grown up enough to not make them feel bad.
I started practicing the flute again last weekend. I'm really rusty! My fingers get tangled, my breathing is lousy, and my jaw starts to hurt after about 5 minutes of consistent playing. But it feels really good to have it in my hands again, so I'm not going to stop. I want to get more comfortable playing around people again. What I really wish is for there to magically be a community orchestra or theater that I could play in, but a) my work hours probably wouldn't work with it, b) I don't even think I should be playing at that level until I practice some more! and c) I don't think it exists anyway.
Enough rambling for tonight. I need tylenol, a very late dinner, and to finish watching You've Got Mail all curled up in my silky new dark purple sheets. Yesss yes life you just feel fabulous today.
