think twice

“Mama used to roll her hair, back before the central air. We’d sit outside and watch the stars at night. She’d tell me to make a wish, and I’d wish we both could fly. Don’t think she’s seen the sky, since we got the satellite dish”–James McMurtry, Levelland


February is a friendlier month than January, but January felt just fine this time.



I am looking for new opportunities in almost all areas of my life. I want to grow. I want to go on adventures. I'm tired of living but not LIVING. The whole issue has been fairly relevant in my life lately but slapped me across the face on Friday night, when I watched Grace Potter & the Nocturnals take the stage for the first time in so long, and all that love and memory and sense of life that I felt when I was in the thick of it flooded right back to me and made me feel SO. AMAZING. There should be endless amounts of that feeling in my life, and instead I find there's barely any at all. I'm confused when it seems like I need to seek it out because my whole life, that has always sought ME out.

I'm not a big Valentine's Day person. I don't really like getting gifts for it (save some springy happy flowers, which are always welcome...hint hint! haha) but this year it will mean 3 things:

01. I get to see my best friend, who is flying out that night!!!!!
02. We have spent a year together. A Year is a long time for both of us. A year is a long time in general. But what does time matter, really? All that matters is desire. Everything else seems like just minor details. We are two drops in the ocean...
03. I have made it practically a year in this place: the place I SWORE I would not come back to. I didn't even make it 9 months in 2008! By this time last year I had already made up my mind that I'd make it work. And I did. Because I did it the way I WANTED to do it this time, instead of feeling rushed and pressured and unprepared.

I leave you with song lyrics, even though that is not a typical Hanna thing to do. Especially since the song is done to death.

I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance
and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
because none of it was ever worth the risk
but you are the only exception