It's practically summer?
Why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that summer exists outside of 3013 PHR? For some reason, even in a place where it's beautiful all the time like it is here, it's only truly summer when I am in the woods and there is nothing around me except for trees. I have very vivid memories of summer trips, NYC especially, but they don't have that very particular feeling of summer attached to them. It just doesn't feel like summer here, it feels like it always feels and that's it. It's not a bad thing at all, I obviously love pretty weather, I think my body is just confused by it.
Western NY summers are always better inside my imagination anyway lol. When it's sunny it's a 90 degree humid mess, and when it's not a 90 degree humid mess it's raining so hard that it washes away my parents driveway. Even being fully aware of that fact, I still crave it. I'm jealous that they have thunderstorms.
I'm super fascinated with how other people set up their iTunes. Mike, for example, deletes all album info and just keeps a massive list of Song Title + Artist Name. His playlists are all specific artists for the most part. iTunes is (very ironically) probably the one and only thing in my life that I don't organize. There are huge amounts of Unknown Albums and mismatched genres and Track 02s and 3 different listings of JJ Cale because his name is spelled with and without periods in his initials. The music is so important to me that I can't focus on anything else except for the sound. My playlists are organized by mood and task and weather and date. Every summer from 2005 onward has its own playlist, and all the summers before get sort of hazy so they're just lumped together in a "high school" playlist. My parents also have their own playlists; my dad because he is the #1 inspiration for my music taste and most of my iTunes library is all stuff that I grew up with. My mom has one because she lets me decide what music goes on her little iPod shuffle, and she says I've never put anything on it that she doesn't like. She's easy to please with music, or maybe I just know her way too well.
It's sad that it had to come from her being laid off, but I can call my mom on my way to work every morning and it puts both of us in an amazing mood. She's such a beautiful person and I'm so tired of watching both of my parents struggle with bad things that are out of their control. I used to think that there wasn't much I could do being 3,000 miles away but now I am very certain it's the opposite. Sometimes I call her in the morning and she's crying because she's so stressed out, and by the end of my 30 minute commute we're both laughing and she's telling me I'm the only person in the world that truly understands her.
It could be any number of things, but something is making me love people so much more lately. I want to devote more of my time to showing the people that I love how amazing I think they are. Even things that I usually am not so impressed with (lets say children for example hahaha) are striking a certain chord inside of me. I was walking up Robertson on Thursday morning and saw a little girl swinging around on a parking meter that her mother was putting change in, and when a delivery man pulled a dolly stacked with boxes up over the curb and onto the sidewalk the girl stopped, looked at the delivery man and asked him, "ISN'T THAT HEAVY? ARE YOU OKAY?" And the concerned look on her face made me smile for the rest of the day.
I've always had a really hard time truly being myself around people. It's not to say I'm fake, I'm not. I just keep a lot hidden because I'm for some stupid reason very scared that I'm going to be judged for the things I love. I don't know why that is, but I think that fear is starting to disappear. Maybe not with everyone, but with a few people. One in particular, and that's very important.
My weekend was very relaxing
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