That is the view from outside my bedroom facing North-ish. Not bad when you can see the mountains from your room, right? It doesn't even really look like Los Angeles, it looks like some little ski village in the summer with random palm trees thrown in. I like that view...I never really noticed it until this past weekend. I think knowing I can see something that's not the city makes me feel better.
Maybe it was the convo in the 99 cent store parking lot a few nights ago. Maybe I whined and cried and got angry and finally got it all out of my system. Or maybe I'm just at a high point, but I'm able to forget what was bothering me for the last week and it couldn't have come at a better time.
I have to start focusing on the good or else I'm going to get trapped in this sprawling mess of the southwest and never be able to climb out and onto something even better. I figured the only way to do that is to split up the task into 2 parts: bringing home here and exploring this place. So I bought a Buffalo Sabres shirt and a plant (momma likes gardening). And explored all day Saturday and part of Sunday, and I truly feel better about my life already. Not completely, but it's a start, and a start is what I need.
There are days when I feel like I could accomplish anything. Adam told me the other night that I'm someone to get nervous about because I'm known for doing anything I set my mind to. I look at that as more of a lucky situation, but maybe I should start thinking otherwise because as much as it may be luck and things fall into place for me easily, I have to be willing to take huge risks for that to happen by following my gut. I really have followed it everywhere its taken me thus far and it's never failed me. And that includes Los Angeles...so why am I assuming I would lead myself wrong when I'm smarter than that and always have been? There is something here for me, I just have to find it. The problem is that I stupidly thought that I found it the first night I moved here, got comfortable with that feeling very fast, and got knocked on my ass. I open up a lot more than I give myself credit for.
The truth is--I'm pretty much an open book, but I expect everyone here to care as much as small town people always have and will continue to, and sometimes they just don't. And as much as you want to argue that, it's the truth. That's OK, because I'll find what I'm looking for eventually.
A song that reminds me of Los Angeles: [Luna - Broken Chair]
A song that reminds me of Buffalo: [Grace Potter and the Nocturnals @ Thursday at the Square 7/5/07 - Apologies]
