put it in the pantry with your cupcakes

Another panic attack on Monday. I could feel myself start hyperventilating and was able to stop it before it got out of control, but the situation as a whole is just not OK. Are we a generation of whiners? It seems like everyone my age has the same things to say as I do about work and stress. There's a lot more expected of people my age in the workplace now than there used to be, mostly just because it's so much easier to communicate and get everything instantly. It's scary.

In a very brief moment of downtime today, I thought about how on my birthday next year there will be no more quiet, shaky, singing phone calls from my Grandma. I thought about the last time I remember hugging her, I thought about what she looked like in that hospital bed, and how her living room felt once she was no longer in it.

I need to write more, stress less. Laugh more, stress less. Breathe deeper and slower, STRESS LESS. Sing louder and more often. Why do I have to be told to do these things if I already know they'd make me feel better...?

Maybe I'm so used to having my parents and Amanda around to tell me what's good for me that I forget I won't always be told to do them. But I don't really notice them telling me to do any of that. Just being around them relieves all my stress. iiiinteresting. I feel better even though I feel bad. I still feel like I'm getting somewhere, I just know that there are very specific things constantly getting in the way. Up and over obstacles, that's all I have to do...

I mean really, all my stress boils down to is that I'm used to being the best at everything, and when something proves that I'm not, I flip shit lol. I'M IN GREAT SHAPE!

COOL BYE