whitewashed this shit

I decided to start making this public. Definitely not making any of the old posts viewable, but I think I need a new beginning somewhere in my life and this seems like the most painless way to do it.

As if moving across the country wasn't "new" enough for me.

Sometimes I wonder what it was that really made me pick up my life and transport it 3000 miles away. It could be 2 things: something I wanted in California, or something I didn't want in New York. I've tried sorting through that but never get very far. Maybe I had nothing in either place and it was just where I was supposed to me. Maybe it was just a stupid, hasty decision.

I do like it here. Actually I love it here. There is something to be said about being able to get up and expect sunshine every day, to put your feet in the ocean whenever you want, to bike to work in 10 minutes with amazing people. Los Angeles has a lot of lazy appeal.

I booked a flight home yesterday so I can be with the people I love on my birthday. I'll be home for 6 days, and there are only 3 people that I NEED to see. Everyone else can pop in if they want...if not....I'm not concerned. Is that bad? I feel very basic lately, like moving here has made me realize I only need the bare minimum to be comfortable. Though I'm not sure if comfortable is really what I am.

I got up at 8:30 today, walked back to Greg's, biked to Venice, rode bikes down the path to the pier, got some sun, swam in the ocean, got a really satisfying lunch, came home and napped, watched a movie....I felt like I was in California for the first time today. I've been here over 3 weeks and today is the first day I felt like I was here. When you've lived somewhere your whole life, do you always feel like wherever you go is where you've always been? I guess I was expecting it to feel different than NY did. If you've never lived in the same place for very long, are you more aware of differences? Maybe life isn't so different on the opposite end of the United States. Or maybe it really is, but it's how you live it that makes it what it is.

One thing is for sure: laying in the grass on a huge hill in rural WNY in real fresh air is absolutely nothing like laying in the grass near the boardwalk in Venice Beach. But it is grass, and it has still given me mild clarity about life. I just can't wait to get back to Pierce Hill and do the damn thing.

Tonight was a peculiar night. I think I'm ready to pass out and forget about it now.